Epilogue et al.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

So On Monday, I went to work. Yes. Hungovah as Hizz-ell. This is not a state I frequent at the age of 36, and I looked every bit as bad as you think. I actually did take some pictures for you. Cause I'm all about the transparency, baby.

People avoided me, as I looked like the first US carrier of bird flu. I drank coffee and water and ate my Advil liquigels like the manna from heaven they are. I nearly fell asleep at my desk at about 3:30.

I drove home at 4:30. I arrived at 5:30. Cause I work 28 miles away. I parked the car in the driveway. I was annoyed because my spouse had parked the damned Mercedes Square in the MIDDLE OF THE DRIVEWAY. There is, in my opinion, no reason for this. There is plenty of space to park two cars, side by side. I have to pull up as close as I can so the ass of my car doesn't poke out into the street. This makes Hulk ANGRY..

I stumble into the house. I take more Advil and water. I go lay down. Terrance comes in and says "You want anything from the store?"

I stare at him. Balefully.

"You're gonna have to take my car - cause you took all the room in the driveway and I had to park behind you".

My wifely rattle is going off. Back away Cowboy! Tuck your pants into your boots!

He leaves. He returns. I've not moved. He storms into the bedroom.

"OHMYGOD! DID YOU NOTICE THAT YOU HAVE NO BRAKES? YOU HAVE NO BRAKES? DIDN'T YOU NOTICE? AND ANTIFREEZE! YOU'VE GOT NO ANTIFREEZE OR BRAKE FLUID! DON'T YOU CHECK THESE THINGS?"

"I have brakes. They were braking the whole way home without trouble.."

"NO YOU DON'T - DIDN'T YOU NOTICE HOW SOFT THEY WERE?"

I now begin to stare at him. In earnest. He rants. He raves. He gesticulates wildly.

I maintain my icy, hungover silence. The full Baleful regard is in effect. We've been down this road before....

Which he seems to finally notice. And stops.

"Oh. Yeah. OK. Why don't you take the Mercedes to work tomorrow and I'll get your car filled up, the oil changed and topped off."

Wise man. Stop poking at her with the stick. Nothing good can come of it.

************************************************************************************

And now, cause I L-O-V-E you all so much- Here they are. The post Sunday night photos.




Believe it or not, this isn't even the full "Look" - It can get much, much worse.


And then I had to stop at Walmart to buy the supplies....



Come to me, beautiful...

16 Baleful Regards:

Manic Mom said...

Are these pictures yo predicting the future? Cuz it says May 10 and it's not really Wednesday yet?

Great provisions for your hangover. You're a much better drunk than I. I can usually only make it to the toilet to vomit if I'm hungover. That's as far as I get for 24 hours.

Manic Mom said...

Are these pictures yo predicting the future? Cuz it says May 10 and it's not really Wednesday yet?

Great provisions for your hangover. You're a much better drunk than I. I can usually only make it to the toilet to vomit if I'm hungover. That's as far as I get for 24 hours.

Manic Mom said...

Oops, sorry about the double post. Maybe I'm drinking=?

mama_tulip said...

Oh, that second pic is painful. I can *feel* your headache.

I took pictures of myself last Tuesday morning, the day after everyone except my husband yacked their brains out all over every square inch of my house. I hadn't showered in two days and had dried vomit on my cheek. Sexxxy.

Lisa said...

Oy! Rough day! Hope today you were back to normal

Nancy said...

Ah, wise man, Terrance. Back away from the hungover wife!

Yeah, looks like you're having a rough day in those first two pics. The third one's not too bad though, actually -- your eyes aren't bloodshot or anything.

Dawn said...

Aren't you kind Nancy - No those were all taken on the drive to work.

I can just maintain clear eyes.

Andrea said...

Your Monday was so much like my Sunday, it's not funny. If I had thought to take pictures and post them, I would have looked much the same. Though I did have the benefit of not having to drive 35 miles to work (which also takes me an hour to get home). It was kind of difficult trying to get a 2 year old to go play by himself quietly, but we did take a nap together. He crawled in my lap and I decided that if I could feel him sitting there, I could doze. He fell asleep, too and it was sweet.

See? You didn't even have to relay to Terrance the story of Woman and Man who had to replace their engine in the car entrusted to the Woman to look after the oil, because I would think brakes and antifreeze would also be Not. Her. Job.

And you can take me shoe shopping any time, except for that whole Massachusetts/St. Louis thing.

Sugarmama said...

Terrance sounds like my husband, except my husband wouldn't dream of ranting at me about my car-upkeep at this point. I scrub the toilets and cook the dinners, he takes care of the damn cars. Period.

TB said...

Oh man your eyes. It's a dead giveaway. Look how red they are around the rims. Those are the days when taking a nap in your car at lunch seems like a really great idea.

Mignon said...

Oh hell. The drunken posting made me feel buzzed. Now the hung posting makes me feel cotton-mouthed and ill. Quit it. Please, I'm begging you.

Bridgermama said...

I feel nauseous for you!

Diana said...

I had one- ONE watered down drink at a wedding two weeks ago and looked worse than you...it's what I get for not drinking in sooo long.
I should start getting drunk every weekend just to build my system up again, huh?

sweatpantsmom said...

Ohhhh...that does not look like fun. (except for the big coffee part.)

But good to see Terrance has learned his lesson well. As for the Benz parking, maybe you can paint a big ol' stripe down the middle of the driveway.

mothergoosemouse said...

You have such pretty eyes. But I can tell that you were hurting.

By the way, new URL for me...

Oh, that girl. said...

Me thinks you look sexy as hell

 
◄Design by Pocket