Snarky Appetizer

Monday, May 01, 2006

Let's just say THANK GOD I have these photos to fall back on, for my brain is toast. Melba Toast. Rye Melba Toast. Stale Rye Melba Toast which has sat out in the sun to be pecked at by various roadside creatures. Or in other words, I saw my therapist today. The "witty" is a bit scarce.

So here it is - The First of the series, taken at Universal Studios. I missed some truly heinous outfits and shoes, as it is hard to point your camera at someone, focus in, have the flash go off and remain "anonymous". They start to wonder what your up to... Also, badly dressed tourists move FAST. So, I had to either time it perfectly, or stalk them through the parks. However, I'd like to give props to the lady with the lace up her calf heels and shimmery hot pants. You moved too fast for me to photograph, but I admire your panache in that outfit in 90+ degree weather. And you, woman in line for the Jaws ride wearing the black leather platform (3 inches) slides. Finally, I salute you, young black woman, decked out in all black with the pink suede lace up Boot/Sneaker combo. As you hobbled by me at the end of the day, I felt your pain.

Now let me preface all of this by saying - I am a curvy woman. I have never been skinny...Ever. I do not care if someone has a weight issue. These are purely taste issues.

Sitting outside the Mummy ride - which was too scarey for Emily - we saw these:



Photo One: Apparently someone said that a lime green tank top and see through grey stretch bike shorts were an excellent idea. Paired with the plastic pink flip flops? Heavenly. The child was running behind her, in embarassment, I can only assume.



Photo 2:Here I am sitting on a curb, minding my business when this lady steps in front of me with her roll of fat in my face. Uncovered roll of fat! Topped with a too tight belly shirt AND a "use a tie as a belt fashion", which only looks good on females who are size 2. May I add that it was 97 degrees. Why the long black pants? Another male child is hiding on his mothers side, hoping not to be noticed.

This next one came as a bit of suprise. We were exiting the park, hot, dehydrated, exhausted and there she was - right in front of me, begging to be photographed...
I suspect it is the interplay between the black (tube top) outfit, the red bra straps and the red "tied around the waist" jacket. This outfit says "I really dug Madonna in 1982". But the brown sandals? An unexpected choice.



When I think of walking 87 miles during any given day in a hot theme park, I think "I'd like to wear these heels and blue jeans" - You?


And then she called a friend who said "Great Idea - I'll wear mine too!"











And then SHE called her heavily tanned friend who said "I have some silver wedges I'd like to wear - Can I come too?



Here endeth day one. Tomorrow - Animal Kingdom.

17 Baleful Regards:

jen said...

great app. now I am definitely hungry for more of what you're serving!

(serisouly - what are people thinking? and why do they call "common sense" common if so many people don't get it. discuss.)

jen said...

p.s. you need to get a sneaky cameraphone. many models don't make noise when the take a picture.

oshee said...

very funny!

The shoes are amazing. I have never understood why someone would wear painful shoes anywhere..let alone walking and walking and walking.

motherhooduncensored said...

Dude. I have those shoes. And those bike shorts. They both look better on me. Together. at the same time.

:)

Contrary said...

Wow, I feel flat out stylish now, and I'm still wearing my work clothes, which I refer to as my Hefty Bag outfit. Which is not a compliment. To me or the clothes. Really.

Beth said...

hee hee hee

i'm glad i crawled out from under the covers to read blogs again...

what are people thinking, seriously. and why do i ever worry about what i wear when i leave the house when these abominations are wandering around in public.

HeatherJ said...

Snarkiness at its best. I admit I have let myself go since becoming a mom, but I was never at the point of wearing pointy heels to an amusement park. Oh and the woman with the belly hanging out over her bikeshorts, that would be a serious "muffin top" there.

Andrea said...

Ooof. That's enough to make me rethink some things. Good thing I don't make it a practice to wear heels with jeans, ever, let alone on a long walk around the state of Florida. Maybe I'm just ultra-conservative in my fashion choices, as my hubby accuses me of being, but if it shows bra straps, my cottage cheese dimples, or leaves me with muffin top, I just don't wear it. Maybe I could pass some of these people my cover-it attitude by osmosis, or using The Force or something.

Although if it had been me, I'd have not worried so much about being inconspicuous with the picture-taking, and just said I was doing it to prove it was real. Then I'd run. What would they do, chase me in heels?

Mom101 said...

All I can say (and I can't say too much...think dooced) is that I am blogging right now from Universal Orlando. For real. I am in my hotel room with many spandexed people just steps away, not including the international McDonald's convention because those French franchisees? Pretty well dressed.

PS The Mummy ride? SO fun. I mean you know any ride with a disclaimer about prosthetic limbs posted out front has got to be worth your while.

jennster said...

LMFAO- omg.. you are SO me!

Jess Riley said...

Yessssss!!! I am thanking Jesus, Buddha, the wavy armed hindu god, and other assorted deities that you indeed posted photos of tourists making bad fashion choices. :)

Fraulein N said...

You gotta love the chicks who turn up at a theme park in heels. You know they'll be regretting that shit within an hour.

And the bike shorts? Oh. My. Damn. Bad enough that people are still somehow finding them and putting them on, but then to wear them out in public. Oh, honey, no.

mothergoosemouse said...

In the 1970s and 1980s, it was fat chicks wearing polyester short-shorts that kept my mother away from theme parks. And now it's fat chicks wearing spandex.

Then again, you'd probably take a picture of my mom too, as she wears heels everywhere.

Those pictures are exactly what I needed. Thank you. I'm short on the "witty" today too.

Gurukarm Kaur said...

Unbelievable. Don't any of these people read the fashion magazines? People mag? anything?? oh wait, that's probably the problem - they DO! They see all those extremely skinny minnies wearing this stuff and looking oh-so-fab, immediately run out and get same, forgetting they are not, themselves, size 00...

heehee - thanks for sharing! Hope you've recovered. You need a vacation from the vacation, right? :-)

Nancy said...

I don't think I could wear spandex bike shorts ANYWHERE, not even in a gym if all I was doing was working out. Certainly not anywhere out in public.

And hey, I'm not very stylish, so that's saying a lot. ;-)

Mommygoth said...

Ack! We went a few years ago - same thing. My brother kept muttering "there goes Shamu" under his breath every time another enormous person in a tank top and Daisy Dukes would walk by. And me afraid to wear a tank top because I'm a size 12....

miss selene said...

"And you, woman in line for the Jaws ride wearing the black leather platform (3 inches) slides."

i would have been that woman. rofl! i <3 me platforms.

 
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